I sat under the stars and moon. Digging my toes into the sand, I contemplated what I wanted out of my existence, my life, my experience, my once around the bend. I listened to the waves and focused on my breathing. I quieted all the voices in my head trying to listen to The One Voice. That voice we all have but we spend too much time denying, ignoring, stuffing it down because maybe it hurts too much to dream big dreams. That voice has no ego, no pride, no hurt feelings, no obligatory needs. I picture that struggle resembles the old WWF Battle Royals I watched as a kid. Bodies flying everywhere. Chaos. Until The One Voice is the last one left in the ring.

Once I got to that place I asked myself a series of questions: What are my non-negotiables? What are the essential things I need from "life"? I meditated on that thought for many minutes when a single word popped into my head. LIVE. The hairs on my arms stood up. LIVE. I was compelled to write it in the sand. It was a full moon so I could see the shadow fall across the sand as I carved my finger through it. LIVE

I've been to "Mecca". I took the picture at the top of this post. That pile of rocks is where Henry David Thoreau's cabin once stood. That sign presents one of his purest thoughts and philosophies. He went to the woods to LIVE. To "suck the marrow out of life". I've read "Walden" several times. I've listened to the book on tape several times so going to Walden Pond was a bit of a religious experience for me. It was my "Mecca".

Sitting on the beach when the though LIVE flashed through my mind, that cabin and the words of the man that LIVED in that cabin filled me up. I want to be able to say that when I get to my eventual end that I LIVED. The bitterness and sadness that fills our hearts as we get older and those dreams we held so dear as children, teenagers, young adults turn to "quiet resignations." I'm at a point in life where I can slough off this house of crap I've toted across the country twice to dream of living in a cabin in the mountains and it be a possibility. The bankruptcy took all the things besides myself and my dear, sweet, adorable, loving wife I was responsible for. I got no house. I got no business. I got no kids. I GOT ME! I GOT HER! Fuck EVERYTHING ELSE! Pack my shit and hit the road, Jack.

When its quiet in the house I hear a quiet distant voice calling me. The voice says: "Why have you denied me your presence? Don't you understand you belong to me? You belong here with me. You belong here at the base of this mountain. You belong to the edge of this cliff. Your presence is required at the base of this tree. You are needed at the shore of this stream, on the sands of this beach. You don't belong there. Your place is here. Come now. Don't wait a single moment longer. You belong here now." Then I drift off to sleep dreaming of beautiful places I have yet to set my eyes upon.

For me that's what LIVING is. Living is not about my job or any job. Living is not about my bills or my toys. LIVING is the experience. My absolute BEST day at work or my icecream shop pales in comparison to my worst day tromping through the woods looking for new birds to spot. Similar to the wisdom from a bumper sticker about bad days fishing.

To LIVE I need to measure myself against the mountains and the woods. Against the infiniteness of the ocean. To marvel and bask in the beauty and glory that is nature. To fill each day with awe. To collapse exhausted each night from the journey.

These thoughts and ideas flushed my mind and I cried. Deep pangs tore through my heart. I want that Peak Experience again and I know where it is and it sure as hell ain't where I've been for 70 hours per week.

I settled down and focused again on the sound of the waves and my intake of salty sea air. The gentle clap of small Gulf waves set the tempo. I knew what was most important: LIVE. Now what's next? What else is vital to my becoming a fully functioning, fully engaged human BEING? What do I need? Not want. NEED! I focused on the thought as the second image came into being: CONTRIBUTE.

One of my favorite things about our hippie-dippie icecream shop was how much the community came to depend on us and how we supported them. Can you believe that because of my shop I was actually volunteering my time at an elementary school... READING TO CHILDREN!?! Yep. Big ol' scary me. I read Encyclopedia Brown mysteries to fourth graders for 30 minutes every week. Those kids were diggin' it, man!!! I was hosting kids parties. ME! I'll repeat that for those of you seating in the cheap seats way in the back. I WAS HOSTING BIRTHDAY PARTIES FOR KIDS! My favorites were the 6-8 year olds. They were the easiest to get involved. They weren't scared of adults and they didn't know they looked like idiots screaming "MOOOOOOOOO!!!" at the top of their little lungs. I had a role and I played it well.

I think a large part of our issues as a society and culture is that we have lost our role in the tribe. Outside of our families most people wouldn't consider the community they live in as a part of their "tribe". Most people have no idea what their strengths and talents are so they have no idea what their role in the "tribe" should be.

Human culture has been around for a long time. Several tens of thousands of years. We have done more to advance society and culture in the past two hundred years since the Industrial Revolution than any similar sized chunk of time going back to when we were either blinked into existence or evolved out of the pond(whichever school of thought you follow). We are still at our core and in our hearts part of a large nomadic tribe of indigenous people. 200+ years ago we were still after many thousands of years an agricultural based society that relied heavily on those closest to us for support. You ate what you could grow and traded for what your neighbor grew. The spiritual leader of the community was also highly likely the "doctor". Everyone had a role. Everyone knew their role. Everyone was an important member of the tribe.

As technology speeds us along we get more distant from the things that kept the tribe together. We feel disconnected from the world, from our neighbors, from our families, and from nature. "Jobs" keep us busy and distracted. Politics, religion, and TV do a pretty damn good job of distracting us to.

To CONTRIBUTE means to be A PART. Not apart... A PART. A piece. A member. A cog. A part of something bigger than yourself. I don't have a crystal vision of what that means for me but any organization I associate myself with is going to need to have to CONTRIBUTE to their community. In an active "searching it out" kind of way not in a passive "only if they ask" kind of way.

I need to find and fill my role in the tribe. I've said before that I have this feeling of responsibility to the world around me to be a productive member of society. I NEED to fulfill that. If I deny that then I am denying ME. I believe that I have a specific role to play and when I get there, I'll be there.