T-Minus

T-Minus 01:00'

Breathing has become very difficult recently. I find I can only make small gasps of air. I have lost some feeling in my extremities. I think about wiggling my toes but I'm too weak to see if they are actually wiggling. My mind is consumed with the past, especially my childhood years. Those were some of the best years of my life. Everything was new. Everything was an adventure. There were no limits to what I could or would accomplish. The world was in the palm of my hands. I remember pristine days of joy and happiness playing kickball at the cul-de-sac at the end of the street. Riding my bike with my best friend to the comicbook store. Man, I rode my bike everywhere! I would have ridden that thing to South America if I thought I had half a chance of getting out of the state. I remember playing in this gigantic construction site mudpit with all the neighborhood kids. Man, those were the days. If I could get up from where I am and hope on a bike I would ride and ride until the muscles in my legs burst through my skin and my lungs caught on fire. I would ride until I got to the beach of Cape Horn.

T-Minus 00:43'

I wish I could catch my breath. I'm starting to see these strange yet beautiful sparkles of light in the air. That or my eyes are starting to play tricks on me. I am definitely not moving my toes. I'll try again shortly but now I'm getting tired and I just want to rest. I keep thinking about my teenage years. High School! Those were and were not that much fun. There were good times and bad times. My first date. Boy, that was just an awkward mess. I ended up crying in the car after I dropped her off. She spent most of the movie looking at her watch. LAME! My first kiss. That was like getting electrocuted! I was never a part of any crowd or cliques but I had friends that understood me and I understood them. Losing my virginity was probably the most fun I had as a teenager. Even if it happened in my "late teens". Talk about something new and exciting! I was lucky to lose it to an "experienced" girl. There were no holds barred.

T-Minus 00:34'

I'm getting very sleepy. I'm feeling lightheaded from the lack of oxygen. I keep drifting in and out. I need to clear my throat but I don't really have the energy. I just need to get a little more rest but my mind keeps wandering through my early adulthood. Those were the great years. I was so strong and passionate. There wasn't a door or barrier I couldn't breakdown. I had a great job that kept me busy, out of trouble, and well paid. That also when I met the love of my life. The moment she walked through the door I just KNEW it. She looked then as she does now, like an angel, my angel. She walked straight through that door and my life was never the same. OH MY GOD the courtship was otherworldly. She had such a spirit, still does after all this time. Wisdom way beyond her years. I think she is sitting somewhere near by but this room is kind of dark. I can hear her wonderful voice calling to me. I can hear her saying my name. That's the most cherished and beautiful sound you'll ever hear, the one person you love more than any other saying your name. Or their laugh. MY GOD! I love to make her laugh. Her laugh and smile light up a cloudy day. I know its a precious commodity. I hope she knows how much she has meant to me and how very much I love her. She has always been my sunshine. I know she is talking to me but I can't quite make it out.

T-Minus 00:17'

This whole breathing thing is NOT getting any easier. Man, if anything its starting to get uncomfortable. Good news is it feels like its getting warmer in here. I still need to clear my throat. I'm going to take a little nap. My beautiful sunshine is still here with me so I'll be OK to take a quick catnap. Too bad we can't spoon. Those are the best naps when we spoon.

T-Minus 00:10'

The years I've been married have been the best. The journeys and adventures we went on. The strange and distant lands we've explored. Hell! The strange and not so distant lands we've explored. When we were together on the road, her in the driver's seat singing whatever chick-rock song she was singing, me in the passenger seat trying to keep up with the trees we were passing. I can feel her warm and gentle hand on mine now. I can see her face as she comes near to kiss me. The warmth of her breath. The softness of her lips on my forehead. Her lips tickle the tiny little hairs that grow there. I want to reach out and kiss her back but I don't think I have the strength. She keeps saying my name and talking. I can't really make out anything other than my name but I couldn't care less. Just keep saying my name sweetheart. That's all that matters.

T-Minus 00:06'
I can hear other voices in the room but I can't see any faces. This room is dark and all I can see is stars in my eyes. I can hear other people say my name but it sounds like they're calling me "Mister". I can hear my sunshine. It sounds like she is either singing or crying. I can't  tell. I can still feel her hand on mine. She squeezes my hand every onceinawhile. I want another kiss. I want to touch her skin. Her skin is so warm and soft. I've had plenty of crummy days made better by a kiss and a hug. My breaths have gotten much shallower over the last few moments and I seriously wish I could stop making that strange gurgling sound. HERE COMES MY KISS. She must have heard me but I don't think I said anything. She always know what I'm thinking.

T-Minus 00:03'
I feel very warm and comfortable. I feel as though a weight has been lifted. I feel free and light. Its gotten really quiet in the room. My sunshine still has a pretty decent grip on my hand. I wonder if I've been a good husband. Have I been a good friend? Was I a good listener? Was I a good lover? Did I say the right things at the right times? Did I apologize for anything I didn't get done? I hope I was. I hope I did. Time will tell.

T-Minus 00:02'
You are my sunshine. My only sunshine. You make me happy when sky's are grey. I sang that as my wedding vows. It brought down the house. BOOYAH! My chest feels funny.

T-Minus 00:01'
You are my sunshine. My onlysunshine. Youmake me happy whenskyy's aregrey. Ifeel very... different. IthinkI know what's... happening. My beautiful wife. whatagreatlife we had together.

T-minus 00:00'60"
lotsof peoplle in the room. Ican see somewhatfamiliar faces. dude, seriously. doigotoyourbedand shinealightin youreyes? somesort ofcommotiongoingon.

T-Minus 00:00'30"
youaremysunshinemyonlysunshinemyonlysunshinesunshine...skysaregreeeey.

T-Minus 00:00'10"
The commotion has quieted down. But the room has gotten darker. I wasn't sure that was possible. What happens when I get there? Will my sunshine be there waiting for me? I hope so.

T-Minus 00:00'05"
Someone has turned on the lights... or at least a light.

T-Minus 00:00'03"
There is no pain. You are receeding. A ship's smoke on the horizon.

T-Minus 00:00'02"
I've got to find out what the deal with this light is. I'll be right back my darling. Don't worry. It looks safe. I'll be OK.

T-Minus 00:00'01"
I love you. I'll see you soon.

T-Minus 00:00'00"
Goodbye my love. You are my sunshine.My only sunshine. You've made me happy when my skies were grey. You'll never know, dear, how much I've loved you. Please don't take my sunshine away.